depressing doctor

so i’ve been watching doctor who for the past week and the ninth doctor just died. and got replaced. and kind of ripped my heart out. he was so cute and smiley with his big ears and nose and little jumper that he was so obsessed with and I DON’T LIKE CHANGE! people have told me that the doctors get better with time and i’ll probably be more attached to the next one, but i am attached to the ninth as of now. I LIKED HIM. and i don’t think it was time to get rid of him. grr. anyway. that is my rant. i will continue watching the new doctor now.

and no, i’m not changing my desktop background from the ninth doctor and rose to the tenth doctor and rose until i am satisfied with the new doctor. THERE.

melancholy

so i am home. and it’s weird. i mean, i love it. i love being in my own bed and with my parents and with my cat, but that all makes me not want to go back to school. i had a dream last night where it was the first day of school and i felt exactly like i did at the beginning of fall last year: crappy. and i never have the urge to feel that way ever again. and i woke up and i was freakishly nervous. I HATE THAT FEELING. i’d rather stick a knife in my leg every day instead of feeling that way. yes, i just referenced vampire diaries. yes, you are terribly misinformed if you don’t know what that is. anyway, i just thought i’d share my thoughts on this subject. i know it’ll be fine. at least i’ve told myself that thousands of times. but i still can’t help myself from wondering. it’ll be the first year without amy, without my roomate from last year (mallory - she’s gonig to india for the first semester) and i’m not sure i’m okay with that. and i really don’t like transitions. i’d be fine to just ignore the first couple weeks and jump into consciousness once i’m all settled and everything, but the process of settling in worries me. i need to stop being so anxious. it runs in the family. 

so now my mom’s at church baking pies (i didn’t want to go because i already went on tuesday and she left at like 8 this morning. ew) and my sister and dad are sleeping. i don’t even want to play sims. WHAT. i know. i really want to write more than 2 paragraphs in a story, but i am seriously uninspired. i try to write and i’m good for about 20 minutes, then i come back to the story and i think it’s crap. grr. 

this has been very depressing. i shall find something exciting to say. it is supposed to be nice tomorrow and this weekend. maybe i can go somewhere exciting. like hang out with my friend kristen. she just graduated high school and all my besties are going to a friend of ours’ wedding in utah. i can’t go because i don’t have a job yet and that means to money to fund it. gross, i know. i shall call kristen or someone who i haven’t seen in a while. yes. that will help.

sayounara

oh i also got a tumblr. wickedmystery

i should probably update this

things have happened since my last post. like i moved home and finished my freshman year at gustavus. yeah, it's weird, but it's nice too. i just need to get a job. i have applied more than 30 places and apparently everyone hates me so i'm not getting hired. oh well. the dollar tree is my last resort because rae says they're still hiring and they pretty much hired her on the spot.
anyway. i have spent the last couple hours watching nerimon's vlogs on youtube and have decided that it would be fun to start vlogging except that I SUCK AT IT. i suck at talking to a camera and seeming candid and being all delightful and fun to listen to. i am kind of charming in real life and on paper, but for some reason i get all nervous when i think i'm being taped. tips to get over that…..
and that's my life for now.
gotta go hug my cat or something

okay then

so my grandma passed away today. my dad's mom. and she's old, like really old. so it's not a heartbreaking thing for her to pass on. she was old and in a nursing home and her husband's dead and so are most of her friends. but when my sister told me and then we hung up, i started crying. really crying. just sitting there at my desk and sobbing. i don't understand this. i'm not a psych major.  i don't think this is normal. but i suppose it makes sense. even if i didn't want to spend much time on her death, i still loved her to pieces. even though we weren't really close, i knew she loved me and i loved seeing her. she was incredibly nice and thought the most important thing in life was education. she even joked about me an my sister being in school when her funeral was held, and that we could just "put her on a shelf and deal with her in summer." i think i will go to the funeral, unless something crazy pressing comes up. i was like this when my mom's dad died in my sophomore year of high school. i was totally bent on not going to the funeral and staying at home while my whole family went to kansas. i was basically a jerk. i thought that it wasn't important to go to my grandpa's funeral because we weren't close and it was far away and i would miss a lot of school. well boo on me. i missed school, but it was completely bearable. once i was there, i realized how much it meant to my mom that i was there, even if she didn't say it. so i'll go to my grandma's funeral, even if it's during finals week. hey, i'm stuck here until my sister graduates. might as well do something that keeps me busy.

we built this city on rock and roll

what? something exciting happened this weekend? OH YEAH THERE WAS THIS KICKASS CONCERT THAT I HELPED SET UP AND TOOK A PICTURE WITH THE BAND AND HAD AN AWESOME TIME. yeah, i remember.
as you can probably gather, i had a fantastic weekend. i spent 12 hours in the campus center setting up for the band and falling over because i got ice on my shoes form being outside and chilling on the couches with the cabbies and jumping around to cedar avenue and quietdrive and taking all the stuff down and putting it in vans.

i probably had the best weekend i've had this year. i absolutely love cab. it was so much fun. and we fooled around and got to know each other (the cabbbies and i) and made jokes and…..ahh. it was wonderful. i love being a part of things. and on another happy note, i spent the whole day with this really awesome guy. and now i can stop trying to think of things to say to him because i've actually talked to him and he's as cool as i thought he was. i also made a couple girl friends who seem really nice. GOD I LOVE CAB.

me

and so it's wednesday

i am currently on one of the couches outside the caf waiting for the cab meeting to start. i'm quite excited. the quietdrive.cedar avenue concert is this saturday and i get to set up and strike! i really like being on this committee. WHOOOOOOO!
today was gross and rainy. but the grass and flowers are happy.
i took pics for the weekly today. also yesterday. i sat on the uhler chairs outside with mary and creeped on people who were nicely dressed for our article about spring fashion. it was freaking awesome, yo! mary's a great person. and so is the sun. happy day.

i have the meeting, then swing at 9.
OH!
i am declaring my major as soon as i get my english advisor to sign my form and figure out who my art advisor is going to be! soon it'll be official and not just a dream!
hold on to your hats, people. my life is finally coming together.

sprintime business

i am very excited for spring. and summer. and NO SCHOOOOOOL. being home for spring break in the nice weather has made it feel like summer and i really don't want to go back to school. like, really. REALLY REALLY. it will be fine once i'm there and in the swing of things, but i hate transitions. i want to stay here!
but break has been fantastic. having amy here, at least for part of the week, was really awesome. i miss hanging out with her just our family.
this is pretty short. but i wanted to write something about spring break.
2 months left!