melancholy

so i am home. and it’s weird. i mean, i love it. i love being in my own bed and with my parents and with my cat, but that all makes me not want to go back to school. i had a dream last night where it was the first day of school and i felt exactly like i did at the beginning of fall last year: crappy. and i never have the urge to feel that way ever again. and i woke up and i was freakishly nervous. I HATE THAT FEELING. i’d rather stick a knife in my leg every day instead of feeling that way. yes, i just referenced vampire diaries. yes, you are terribly misinformed if you don’t know what that is. anyway, i just thought i’d share my thoughts on this subject. i know it’ll be fine. at least i’ve told myself that thousands of times. but i still can’t help myself from wondering. it’ll be the first year without amy, without my roomate from last year (mallory - she’s gonig to india for the first semester) and i’m not sure i’m okay with that. and i really don’t like transitions. i’d be fine to just ignore the first couple weeks and jump into consciousness once i’m all settled and everything, but the process of settling in worries me. i need to stop being so anxious. it runs in the family. 

so now my mom’s at church baking pies (i didn’t want to go because i already went on tuesday and she left at like 8 this morning. ew) and my sister and dad are sleeping. i don’t even want to play sims. WHAT. i know. i really want to write more than 2 paragraphs in a story, but i am seriously uninspired. i try to write and i’m good for about 20 minutes, then i come back to the story and i think it’s crap. grr. 

this has been very depressing. i shall find something exciting to say. it is supposed to be nice tomorrow and this weekend. maybe i can go somewhere exciting. like hang out with my friend kristen. she just graduated high school and all my besties are going to a friend of ours’ wedding in utah. i can’t go because i don’t have a job yet and that means to money to fund it. gross, i know. i shall call kristen or someone who i haven’t seen in a while. yes. that will help.

sayounara

oh i also got a tumblr. wickedmystery