depressing doctor

so i’ve been watching doctor who for the past week and the ninth doctor just died. and got replaced. and kind of ripped my heart out. he was so cute and smiley with his big ears and nose and little jumper that he was so obsessed with and I DON’T LIKE CHANGE! people have told me that the doctors get better with time and i’ll probably be more attached to the next one, but i am attached to the ninth as of now. I LIKED HIM. and i don’t think it was time to get rid of him. grr. anyway. that is my rant. i will continue watching the new doctor now.

and no, i’m not changing my desktop background from the ninth doctor and rose to the tenth doctor and rose until i am satisfied with the new doctor. THERE.

melancholy

so i am home. and it’s weird. i mean, i love it. i love being in my own bed and with my parents and with my cat, but that all makes me not want to go back to school. i had a dream last night where it was the first day of school and i felt exactly like i did at the beginning of fall last year: crappy. and i never have the urge to feel that way ever again. and i woke up and i was freakishly nervous. I HATE THAT FEELING. i’d rather stick a knife in my leg every day instead of feeling that way. yes, i just referenced vampire diaries. yes, you are terribly misinformed if you don’t know what that is. anyway, i just thought i’d share my thoughts on this subject. i know it’ll be fine. at least i’ve told myself that thousands of times. but i still can’t help myself from wondering. it’ll be the first year without amy, without my roomate from last year (mallory - she’s gonig to india for the first semester) and i’m not sure i’m okay with that. and i really don’t like transitions. i’d be fine to just ignore the first couple weeks and jump into consciousness once i’m all settled and everything, but the process of settling in worries me. i need to stop being so anxious. it runs in the family. 

so now my mom’s at church baking pies (i didn’t want to go because i already went on tuesday and she left at like 8 this morning. ew) and my sister and dad are sleeping. i don’t even want to play sims. WHAT. i know. i really want to write more than 2 paragraphs in a story, but i am seriously uninspired. i try to write and i’m good for about 20 minutes, then i come back to the story and i think it’s crap. grr. 

this has been very depressing. i shall find something exciting to say. it is supposed to be nice tomorrow and this weekend. maybe i can go somewhere exciting. like hang out with my friend kristen. she just graduated high school and all my besties are going to a friend of ours’ wedding in utah. i can’t go because i don’t have a job yet and that means to money to fund it. gross, i know. i shall call kristen or someone who i haven’t seen in a while. yes. that will help.

sayounara

oh i also got a tumblr. wickedmystery

i should probably update this

things have happened since my last post. like i moved home and finished my freshman year at gustavus. yeah, it's weird, but it's nice too. i just need to get a job. i have applied more than 30 places and apparently everyone hates me so i'm not getting hired. oh well. the dollar tree is my last resort because rae says they're still hiring and they pretty much hired her on the spot.
anyway. i have spent the last couple hours watching nerimon's vlogs on youtube and have decided that it would be fun to start vlogging except that I SUCK AT IT. i suck at talking to a camera and seeming candid and being all delightful and fun to listen to. i am kind of charming in real life and on paper, but for some reason i get all nervous when i think i'm being taped. tips to get over that…..
and that's my life for now.
gotta go hug my cat or something